Post by Admin on Sept 3, 2020 14:23:14 GMT
My Personal Journey on the Psychiatric Conveyor Belt
By Richard Thompson -25/08/2020
www.madintheuk.com/2020/08/my-personal-journey-on-the-psychiatric-conveyor-belt/
Hello.
I am Richard and I am going to share a story that many of you will find familiar. That’s because, like so many, I found myself on the conveyor belt that is the mental health system. I’ll try to leave the particulars of my case out of this article – partly because I want to focus on the processes involved on this conveyor belt and ways I navigated them (or didn’t) and partly because the particulars of my case are very personal to me. These personal details form the core of who I am and so, of course, strike deep emotions and contemplations in me. By being on this conveyor belt I’ve learnt that it is unwise, largely counterproductive and totally draining to share these details with anyone but those most loved and trusted.
Anyway, I was 26 years old when I was first placed on this conveyor belt. I was studying at a top university; life was the best it had ever been as I was following my dreams and every little thing was falling into place (or so it seemed!). Dreams play a significant part in my story. Again, I shall not detail these except to say that the most significant dream, central to this story, involved me at the edges of a river desperately stretching to try and grasp a golden coin before a hideous monster came and finished me off. In it I knew I had to get this coin and I knew I could. This dream would eventually take on a much deeper and multi-layered meaning.
So, one month before I completed my degree, I found myself sitting in a room with two psychiatrists trying to explain to them the reason I had behaved in a way which was flagged as being unusual and potentially harmful. Being intelligent people who deal with many complex cases, I thought they would understand and dismiss the whole thing and that I’d be on my way.
It really didn’t turn out like that.
I was taken to a psychiatric hospital and was now explaining and re-explaining under the scrutiny of several of the staff there. I remember thinking that there was no warmth with them – I was an object for their cold examination, a science project or suchlike, nothing more. Of course, I was completely unaware at the time that this would be a recurring theme amongst those higher up in the chain of command in these places, who seemed to listen but really could not hear me at all. I am articulate and have reason for my actions. I thought I was explaining myself well; ‘I’ll be out soon’, I thought at that time.
I was kept at that place for ‘assessment’. The assessment lasted several weeks which meant I failed to complete my university dissertation. After this time I was placed on a section and told that I would be medicated for ‘psychosis’ or, more specifically, ‘persistent delusional disorder’. I questioned them every step of the way as I needed to make sense of what was happening to me and why. When they came to give me my first dose of medication I asked them what would happen if I refused. I was told that I would be restrained and possibly sedated so that they could inject me with their chemicals. At the time I was considering putting up a fight as I had realised the whole situation was now quite ugly and it gave me a gut feeling that things were very wrong. However, the man who explained the situation with medication seemed like he had some empathy for my displeasure and so I conceded to take medication orally. The drugs knocked me for six, made me feel so slow and ‘zoned out’. It was really very hard to hold some level of concentration or alertness. It felt like it was taking my spirit from me.
By Richard Thompson -25/08/2020
www.madintheuk.com/2020/08/my-personal-journey-on-the-psychiatric-conveyor-belt/
Hello.
I am Richard and I am going to share a story that many of you will find familiar. That’s because, like so many, I found myself on the conveyor belt that is the mental health system. I’ll try to leave the particulars of my case out of this article – partly because I want to focus on the processes involved on this conveyor belt and ways I navigated them (or didn’t) and partly because the particulars of my case are very personal to me. These personal details form the core of who I am and so, of course, strike deep emotions and contemplations in me. By being on this conveyor belt I’ve learnt that it is unwise, largely counterproductive and totally draining to share these details with anyone but those most loved and trusted.
Anyway, I was 26 years old when I was first placed on this conveyor belt. I was studying at a top university; life was the best it had ever been as I was following my dreams and every little thing was falling into place (or so it seemed!). Dreams play a significant part in my story. Again, I shall not detail these except to say that the most significant dream, central to this story, involved me at the edges of a river desperately stretching to try and grasp a golden coin before a hideous monster came and finished me off. In it I knew I had to get this coin and I knew I could. This dream would eventually take on a much deeper and multi-layered meaning.
So, one month before I completed my degree, I found myself sitting in a room with two psychiatrists trying to explain to them the reason I had behaved in a way which was flagged as being unusual and potentially harmful. Being intelligent people who deal with many complex cases, I thought they would understand and dismiss the whole thing and that I’d be on my way.
It really didn’t turn out like that.
I was taken to a psychiatric hospital and was now explaining and re-explaining under the scrutiny of several of the staff there. I remember thinking that there was no warmth with them – I was an object for their cold examination, a science project or suchlike, nothing more. Of course, I was completely unaware at the time that this would be a recurring theme amongst those higher up in the chain of command in these places, who seemed to listen but really could not hear me at all. I am articulate and have reason for my actions. I thought I was explaining myself well; ‘I’ll be out soon’, I thought at that time.
I was kept at that place for ‘assessment’. The assessment lasted several weeks which meant I failed to complete my university dissertation. After this time I was placed on a section and told that I would be medicated for ‘psychosis’ or, more specifically, ‘persistent delusional disorder’. I questioned them every step of the way as I needed to make sense of what was happening to me and why. When they came to give me my first dose of medication I asked them what would happen if I refused. I was told that I would be restrained and possibly sedated so that they could inject me with their chemicals. At the time I was considering putting up a fight as I had realised the whole situation was now quite ugly and it gave me a gut feeling that things were very wrong. However, the man who explained the situation with medication seemed like he had some empathy for my displeasure and so I conceded to take medication orally. The drugs knocked me for six, made me feel so slow and ‘zoned out’. It was really very hard to hold some level of concentration or alertness. It felt like it was taking my spirit from me.