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Post by Admin on Apr 18, 2019 15:46:13 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2019 17:17:08 GMT
I feel like I reflect on what I have done, but only the negative stuff, and it's about learning from the mistakes instead of repeating them. If I have done anything positive I don't tend to acknowledge it, and if I have positive feelings about myself it feels like I should not, and that it is almost narcissistic to do so.
Also thinking positively about events or looking forward to something has always seemed to lead to it being a disaster, so I have learned not to, and to worry about everything, because it never turns out as bad as I think it will if I do that. Maybe that is why I don't like thinking positively about myself; is as if I will be punished for doing so.
Too many 'I's in that statement, am definitely too self absorbed.
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Post by Admin on Apr 18, 2019 17:36:13 GMT
I feel like I reflect on what I have done, but only the negative stuff, and it's about learning from the mistakes instead of repeating them. If I have done anything positive I don't tend to acknowledge it, and if I have positive feelings about myself it feels like I should not, and that it is almost narcissistic to do so. Also thinking positively about events or looking forward to something has always seemed to lead to it being a disaster, so I have learned not to, and to worry about everything, because it never turns out as bad as I think it will if I do that. Maybe that is why I don't like thinking positively about myself; is as if I will be punished for doing so. Too many 'I's in that statement, am definitely too self absorbed. i'm similar in ways. X
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Post by snowstorm on Apr 18, 2019 17:49:14 GMT
Also thinking positively about events or looking forward to something has always seemed to lead to it being a disaster, so I have learned not to, and to worry about everything, because it never turns out as bad as I think it will if I do that. Maybe that is why I don't like thinking positively about myself; is as if I will be punished for doing so. @blueberry, what a challenge that you can't (yet) unhook these 2 parts, the idea that thinking positive leads to disaster, because I just know the disasters would have been random, nothing to do with you looking forward to something. So many variables lead into events, there's input from all aspects. I came across this link about problem solving the other day and it really appealed to me - just letting the magic creative brain spot patterns to help sort problems out. Just letting go to find an answer; litemind.com/tackle-any-issue-with-a-list-of-100/
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2019 18:40:31 GMT
Also thinking positively about events or looking forward to something has always seemed to lead to it being a disaster, so I have learned not to, and to worry about everything, because it never turns out as bad as I think it will if I do that. Maybe that is why I don't like thinking positively about myself; is as if I will be punished for doing so. @blueberry, what a challenge that you can't (yet) unhook these 2 parts, the idea that thinking positive leads to disaster, because I just know the disasters would have been random, nothing to do with you looking forward to something. So many variables lead into events, there's input from all aspects. I came across this link about problem solving the other day and it really appealed to me - just letting the magic creative brain spot patterns to help sort problems out. Just letting go to find an answer; litemind.com/tackle-any-issue-with-a-list-of-100/Well I have just gone by experience, that worrying almost stops bad things from happening. I think it maybe explains why I still have OCD, am afraid to let go of the perceived control over events. I have been doing it so long now that it's automatic. Anything I want to look forward to or could be potentially a pleasant experience I have OCD rituals about, so it becomes something that causes unpleasant feelings and actions.
I think I would struggle to come up with 100 of most of those lists, e.g. 100 things I'm good at. If I could complete that list I would feel more narcissistic than ever.
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Post by snowstorm on Apr 18, 2019 19:08:15 GMT
I've got to admit listing 100 things I am good at would be a tall order, but I'd just cheat - say it was painting, list 10 different objects I could paint or different techniques. The idea being just to get me thinking about stuff I enjoy and what to maybe do more of.
I guess it is very different with the OCD. I have found that worrying is sometimes hard to avoid, but just such a waste of time - it doesn't impact any event except as a personal aggravation.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 19, 2019 8:29:41 GMT
The thing is it seems to be how it works for me; if I don't worry, then it goes badly. Mind you I worry all the time now so I haven't tested it out for a while.
It's a question of being brave and I am definitely not that. If I was I probably would not have OCD or the psychosis now, as I would never have been on the meds that caused that either. The only thing is I might still be on antidepressants, depending on when I was brave enough to test it out. I have been on them since I was 17 so is likely I would be dependent on them anyway.
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Post by snowstorm on Apr 19, 2019 8:52:11 GMT
It takes a lot of bravery to face psychosis and OCD, psychosis on it's own is bad enough.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 19, 2019 9:04:15 GMT
Yes, that is true. Maybe I could have avoided that if I had been rid of the OCD before being put on quetiapine though. In my case I can see things could have been very different, had I been braver.
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