Post by Admin on Jun 8, 2022 16:35:36 GMT
Spontaneous Remission from Psychosis
fullyhealfrompsychosis.art.blog/2022/06/01/spontaneous-remission-from-psychosis/
Psychosis involves over 100 at risk genes, but these genes can appear in isolation in the neurotypical population without clinical effect on sanity, which means that a diagnosis of psychosis does not equate a fixed genetic fate, but is a complex problem of systems of at risk genes being down-regulated and up-regulated epigenetically by the environment. This reality blew my mind. Disease from psychosis is linked to systems of at risk GABA-ergic genes being epigenetically turned off by methylation or “down-regulated” with an inverse relationship to up-regulated dopaminergic genes . In theory, to stop being psychotic you have to up-regulate your GABA-ergic gene systems, or turn them on so they properly function which should have inverse dynamic effects down-regulating over expressed dopamine gene systems preventing dopamine toxicity. What if you could balance your at risk genes epigenetically with the organic pharmacological effects of having a healthy mindset? You can.
In the nature vs nurture dynamic a person can inherit a genetic predisposition to psychosis as nature and they can further influence their genes via interaction with the environment causing psychosis epigenetically as nurture. This is very important: the genetic predisposition for psychosis that one inherits is really the transmission of our ancestors epigenetic profile, which means psychosis is 100% an environmental illness. This means psychosis can be reversed epigenetically with long term healthy interaction with the environment: the most important landscape of our environment that can epigenetically resolve psychosis is our inner world or our thoughts. Psychosis can literally be resolved by “right thought” and “right understanding”, because the right mindset induces organic positive pharmacological effects epigenetically balancing at risk genes.
I inherited an epigenetic profile for psychosis susceptibility from my ancestors and I further disrupted my genes for psychotic disease epigenetically by becoming a pot head with alcoholic tendencies at the age of 13. By age 17 I entered the prodromal period of psychosis which set the conditions for traumatic life events further disrupting my genes for disease. I experienced intense shame and trauma from dropping out of high school, being severely jumped, running myself over with my girlfriend’s car pushing it up a massive hill which lead to a bad break up, and a bad lsd trip resulting in an emotionally crippling suicide attempt that I suppressed while working at my day job for 2 years without going to therapy. Age 21 to 32 I was section 12 inpatient hospitalized 11 times as my psychosis got more and more extreme. The psychotic breaks were traumatic in and of themselves, but while psychotic I was also sexually assaulted by a police officer in an ambulance after I physically assaulted him and I also intentionally crashed my car at 85 mph to escape into another dimension from persecutory delusions. The more I relapsed the more antipsychotics I got put on and as we now know long term antipsychotic use drives the chronicity of psychosis by causing a trap of dopamine sensitivity.
After my 11th relapse, my third in about a year during the height of the corona virus pandemic, I was psychologically and physically broken as intense side effects had made my body inhospitable. I had taken my illness to the end of the line. There wasn’t any more drugs I could be on. I was on the prescribing limit of two antipsychotics simultaneously and also lithium which may as well be a neurotoxin. I was using the maximum dose of trazodone to sleep, and benzotropine for Parkinsonian side effects.
A key epigenetic factor in my recovery has been my 100% sobriety for almost ten years as an adult which may have counteracted my decade of toxicity from addiction as an adolescent/young adult, but my resolution of symptoms did not occur until I set a treatment goal of fully recovering against all odds, started thinking about my illness in the right meta-cognitive framework, and surrendered to a higher power to receive a healing restoration of sanity. I am sure that changing my mindset about psychosis is continuing to epigenetically cultivate healthy gene expression as my healed psyche is having a positive organic pharmacological effect. I will share with you how I changed my mindset and received my healing.
A year ago, March 2021, after my 11th hospitalization I was at rock bottom from being trapped by the toxicity of extreme doses of antipsychotics and mood stabilizers. I courageously made a treatment goal with my psychiatrist to fully recover against all odds. To my psychiatrist’s credit he has been very receptive to my self initiated healing journey. Within 6 months I came off all mood stabilizers, the sleep aid trazodone, and went from two simultaneous prescribing limit doses of antipsychotics to 208 mg of Invega Sustena . After New Years, 2022 we were tentatively planning to reduce to a moderate dose of 156 mg of Invega Sustena, but I was aware this was below my chemically induced threshold of sanity. We agreed to reduce after I had 1 year of recovery in March. Feeling a healthy amount of pressure, my self initiated psychological healing occurred organically.
Here is what worked for me.
I discovered a Buddhist cosmology, where in a lower realm of reincarnation beneath being human and governed by Demi Gods, souls are addicted to toxic emotions, which could include being addicted to delusions or falseness. I had always thought my delusional psychotic illness would have been resolved by death, but now I had the fear of God put into me that if I did not resolve my psychotic illness in this lifetime on earth my soul could reincarnate to a realm with less potential than being human. Conceptually this was all the motivation I needed to change as I was having an existential crisis.
I began the change process by accepting that I was addicted to falseness. I knew this to be true as my primary positive symptoms had been reoccurring florid delusions, but I didn’t know the nuance of my particular psychotic predicament yet. I used the affirmation over and over for about 48 hours (even in my sleep), “I AM addicted to falseness”. Suddenly because I had taken responsibility for causing my illness, my conscience responded with a definitive firm statement to resolve my illness by saying “Let me get through to you, I AM going to STOP being psychotic” This was the first time my conscience had ever spoken with an “I AM” statement, although my unequivocal decision to terminate the psychotic process made me very uncomfortable.
I honestly experienced a deep depression as I was beginning to let go of the psychotic illness that had become part of my personality. I had experienced shame from psychosis, but for the first time I experienced guilt in that I realized I was 100% responsible for causing my illness. I began to realize that psychosis was how I maladaptively and unconsciously got my needs met emotionally and financially. Continuing to be sick meant that I would continue to be taken care of by society. Of course this becomes terribly complicated when the antipsychotics prescribed for psychosis drive chronicity long term. At this time I felt overwhelmed with my new found level of accountability and I surrendered to a higher power for the first time in my life.
My psychiatrist and I were excited about my new meta-cognitive directive to stop being psychotic so we went through with a reduction March, 2022 below my threshold of sanity. I was convinced that because I was now so unequivocally “anti- psychotic” on a psychological level that if psychosis came up, I could handle it. I was right. After 2 weeks I began to experience delusions of grandeur for about 5 minutes which had always been my precursor to a blind and florid psychotic break, but because I had a new meta-cognitive directive I immediately declared the potential fixed false beliefs to be “bullshit”. Comically when I meta-cognitively declared this I immediately passed out into deep sleep as my psychotic self was stunned that I had nipped it in the bud.
For about 48 hours I still had altered brain chemistry and I experienced sub-clinical grandiosity which I worked out with my therapist. During the therapy I privately began using the affirmation “Surrender to Ultimate Reality” to direct my session. After the session, while using the affirmation my psyche kept alerting me repetitively with the internal affirmation “I AM in spontaneous remission”. It was loud and the thought was thinking itself effortlessly . I was still a bit kooky, but I grounded by doing some skateboarding,trampolining, and meditation while also letting go by continuing to surrender to a higher power. It was like I was rapidly shedding my emotional attachment to psychosis that I had epigenetically maintained in my neural circuitry through 15 years of intermittent relapses. I woke up the next day and my psyche spoke for itself saying, “I have no more intrapsychic conflict, I AM fully healed, and I AM complete”. Since then I have been symptom free for 2 months. It no longer feels like the antipsychotics are blunting my psychosis, but that my psychosis has been psychologically resolved at the root by my change in mindset that continues to pharmacologically balance my brain chemistry organically , effectively epigenetically cultivating genes for wellness.
In retrospect I fully understand what my emotional attachment to psychosis was. I was caught in a psychotic feedback loop rooted in shame, humiliation, fear, and desire from deeply traumatic life events. I became unconsciously emotionally attached to delusions of grandeur as a way to superficially inflate my self esteem out of worthlessness. My depression had created a reservoir of disease and I had been psychotically drowning in it. The more I became hopelessly psychotic the more my shame and embarrassment was exacerbated due to stigma, which created a perpetual negative feedback loop of addiction to delusions of grandeur in a compounded vain attempt to escape the very humiliation of living with a psychotic illness.
It sounds simple, but the turning point when I realized I had a fighting chance to fully recover was when I accepted I was unconsciously emotionally attached to psychosis as a maladaptive way to get many of my needs met and made a conscious unequivocal decision to stop being psychotic. I then got to put my new meta-cognitive developments to action by resolving a potential episode from an antipsychotic reduction without increasing meds. The actual healing occurred by then surrendering to a higher power.
I am taking life one day at a time but my life is now unfolding from a place of completion and sanity rather than psychosis. I am doing a long slow taper with my psychiatrist for the ultimate goal of full recovery. After 15 years of psychosis, sanity is my most prized possession and I am protecting it at all costs.
fullyhealfrompsychosis.art.blog/2022/06/01/spontaneous-remission-from-psychosis/
Psychosis involves over 100 at risk genes, but these genes can appear in isolation in the neurotypical population without clinical effect on sanity, which means that a diagnosis of psychosis does not equate a fixed genetic fate, but is a complex problem of systems of at risk genes being down-regulated and up-regulated epigenetically by the environment. This reality blew my mind. Disease from psychosis is linked to systems of at risk GABA-ergic genes being epigenetically turned off by methylation or “down-regulated” with an inverse relationship to up-regulated dopaminergic genes . In theory, to stop being psychotic you have to up-regulate your GABA-ergic gene systems, or turn them on so they properly function which should have inverse dynamic effects down-regulating over expressed dopamine gene systems preventing dopamine toxicity. What if you could balance your at risk genes epigenetically with the organic pharmacological effects of having a healthy mindset? You can.
In the nature vs nurture dynamic a person can inherit a genetic predisposition to psychosis as nature and they can further influence their genes via interaction with the environment causing psychosis epigenetically as nurture. This is very important: the genetic predisposition for psychosis that one inherits is really the transmission of our ancestors epigenetic profile, which means psychosis is 100% an environmental illness. This means psychosis can be reversed epigenetically with long term healthy interaction with the environment: the most important landscape of our environment that can epigenetically resolve psychosis is our inner world or our thoughts. Psychosis can literally be resolved by “right thought” and “right understanding”, because the right mindset induces organic positive pharmacological effects epigenetically balancing at risk genes.
I inherited an epigenetic profile for psychosis susceptibility from my ancestors and I further disrupted my genes for psychotic disease epigenetically by becoming a pot head with alcoholic tendencies at the age of 13. By age 17 I entered the prodromal period of psychosis which set the conditions for traumatic life events further disrupting my genes for disease. I experienced intense shame and trauma from dropping out of high school, being severely jumped, running myself over with my girlfriend’s car pushing it up a massive hill which lead to a bad break up, and a bad lsd trip resulting in an emotionally crippling suicide attempt that I suppressed while working at my day job for 2 years without going to therapy. Age 21 to 32 I was section 12 inpatient hospitalized 11 times as my psychosis got more and more extreme. The psychotic breaks were traumatic in and of themselves, but while psychotic I was also sexually assaulted by a police officer in an ambulance after I physically assaulted him and I also intentionally crashed my car at 85 mph to escape into another dimension from persecutory delusions. The more I relapsed the more antipsychotics I got put on and as we now know long term antipsychotic use drives the chronicity of psychosis by causing a trap of dopamine sensitivity.
After my 11th relapse, my third in about a year during the height of the corona virus pandemic, I was psychologically and physically broken as intense side effects had made my body inhospitable. I had taken my illness to the end of the line. There wasn’t any more drugs I could be on. I was on the prescribing limit of two antipsychotics simultaneously and also lithium which may as well be a neurotoxin. I was using the maximum dose of trazodone to sleep, and benzotropine for Parkinsonian side effects.
A key epigenetic factor in my recovery has been my 100% sobriety for almost ten years as an adult which may have counteracted my decade of toxicity from addiction as an adolescent/young adult, but my resolution of symptoms did not occur until I set a treatment goal of fully recovering against all odds, started thinking about my illness in the right meta-cognitive framework, and surrendered to a higher power to receive a healing restoration of sanity. I am sure that changing my mindset about psychosis is continuing to epigenetically cultivate healthy gene expression as my healed psyche is having a positive organic pharmacological effect. I will share with you how I changed my mindset and received my healing.
A year ago, March 2021, after my 11th hospitalization I was at rock bottom from being trapped by the toxicity of extreme doses of antipsychotics and mood stabilizers. I courageously made a treatment goal with my psychiatrist to fully recover against all odds. To my psychiatrist’s credit he has been very receptive to my self initiated healing journey. Within 6 months I came off all mood stabilizers, the sleep aid trazodone, and went from two simultaneous prescribing limit doses of antipsychotics to 208 mg of Invega Sustena . After New Years, 2022 we were tentatively planning to reduce to a moderate dose of 156 mg of Invega Sustena, but I was aware this was below my chemically induced threshold of sanity. We agreed to reduce after I had 1 year of recovery in March. Feeling a healthy amount of pressure, my self initiated psychological healing occurred organically.
Here is what worked for me.
I discovered a Buddhist cosmology, where in a lower realm of reincarnation beneath being human and governed by Demi Gods, souls are addicted to toxic emotions, which could include being addicted to delusions or falseness. I had always thought my delusional psychotic illness would have been resolved by death, but now I had the fear of God put into me that if I did not resolve my psychotic illness in this lifetime on earth my soul could reincarnate to a realm with less potential than being human. Conceptually this was all the motivation I needed to change as I was having an existential crisis.
I began the change process by accepting that I was addicted to falseness. I knew this to be true as my primary positive symptoms had been reoccurring florid delusions, but I didn’t know the nuance of my particular psychotic predicament yet. I used the affirmation over and over for about 48 hours (even in my sleep), “I AM addicted to falseness”. Suddenly because I had taken responsibility for causing my illness, my conscience responded with a definitive firm statement to resolve my illness by saying “Let me get through to you, I AM going to STOP being psychotic” This was the first time my conscience had ever spoken with an “I AM” statement, although my unequivocal decision to terminate the psychotic process made me very uncomfortable.
I honestly experienced a deep depression as I was beginning to let go of the psychotic illness that had become part of my personality. I had experienced shame from psychosis, but for the first time I experienced guilt in that I realized I was 100% responsible for causing my illness. I began to realize that psychosis was how I maladaptively and unconsciously got my needs met emotionally and financially. Continuing to be sick meant that I would continue to be taken care of by society. Of course this becomes terribly complicated when the antipsychotics prescribed for psychosis drive chronicity long term. At this time I felt overwhelmed with my new found level of accountability and I surrendered to a higher power for the first time in my life.
My psychiatrist and I were excited about my new meta-cognitive directive to stop being psychotic so we went through with a reduction March, 2022 below my threshold of sanity. I was convinced that because I was now so unequivocally “anti- psychotic” on a psychological level that if psychosis came up, I could handle it. I was right. After 2 weeks I began to experience delusions of grandeur for about 5 minutes which had always been my precursor to a blind and florid psychotic break, but because I had a new meta-cognitive directive I immediately declared the potential fixed false beliefs to be “bullshit”. Comically when I meta-cognitively declared this I immediately passed out into deep sleep as my psychotic self was stunned that I had nipped it in the bud.
For about 48 hours I still had altered brain chemistry and I experienced sub-clinical grandiosity which I worked out with my therapist. During the therapy I privately began using the affirmation “Surrender to Ultimate Reality” to direct my session. After the session, while using the affirmation my psyche kept alerting me repetitively with the internal affirmation “I AM in spontaneous remission”. It was loud and the thought was thinking itself effortlessly . I was still a bit kooky, but I grounded by doing some skateboarding,trampolining, and meditation while also letting go by continuing to surrender to a higher power. It was like I was rapidly shedding my emotional attachment to psychosis that I had epigenetically maintained in my neural circuitry through 15 years of intermittent relapses. I woke up the next day and my psyche spoke for itself saying, “I have no more intrapsychic conflict, I AM fully healed, and I AM complete”. Since then I have been symptom free for 2 months. It no longer feels like the antipsychotics are blunting my psychosis, but that my psychosis has been psychologically resolved at the root by my change in mindset that continues to pharmacologically balance my brain chemistry organically , effectively epigenetically cultivating genes for wellness.
In retrospect I fully understand what my emotional attachment to psychosis was. I was caught in a psychotic feedback loop rooted in shame, humiliation, fear, and desire from deeply traumatic life events. I became unconsciously emotionally attached to delusions of grandeur as a way to superficially inflate my self esteem out of worthlessness. My depression had created a reservoir of disease and I had been psychotically drowning in it. The more I became hopelessly psychotic the more my shame and embarrassment was exacerbated due to stigma, which created a perpetual negative feedback loop of addiction to delusions of grandeur in a compounded vain attempt to escape the very humiliation of living with a psychotic illness.
It sounds simple, but the turning point when I realized I had a fighting chance to fully recover was when I accepted I was unconsciously emotionally attached to psychosis as a maladaptive way to get many of my needs met and made a conscious unequivocal decision to stop being psychotic. I then got to put my new meta-cognitive developments to action by resolving a potential episode from an antipsychotic reduction without increasing meds. The actual healing occurred by then surrendering to a higher power.
I am taking life one day at a time but my life is now unfolding from a place of completion and sanity rather than psychosis. I am doing a long slow taper with my psychiatrist for the ultimate goal of full recovery. After 15 years of psychosis, sanity is my most prized possession and I am protecting it at all costs.