|
Shell
Jun 25, 2012 18:40:15 GMT
Post by Chimera on Jun 25, 2012 18:40:15 GMT
This person, who inhabits this body, and communicates with others, is not the one who suffers. So, it is in a sense factually correct to think that I do not deserve sympathy or understanding; that I do not deserve anybody's time.
But I have to learn to think of myself as if I were someone else. I am not the only being inhabiting this body. I am a servant of myself, as well as of others. I owe myself some consideration. My suffering self does deserve sympathy and understanding; does deserve other people's time and attention.
(Does deserve my time and attention.)
In an odd way, it is selfish of me to think that I do not deserve anybody's time: because to think that thought is to put this self in front of that self, the one who is suffering, the one who matters.
I am not hogging sympathy or attention, but I am hogging identity. I have to step aside, and let myself be.
I am dissociated. I have to let myself be myself; then I will perhaps become slowly less dissociated.
I am still struggling to understand this, which is why it may not appear to make much sense ...
Just some thoughts on listening to a voicemail message from my counsellor, returning my call to try to arrange another appointment ...
I am my own answering service. That is all. I mustn't get ideas above my station.
|
|
|
Shell
Jun 25, 2012 20:16:49 GMT
Post by Ainsworth on Jun 25, 2012 20:16:49 GMT
In an odd way, it is selfish of me to think that I do not deserve anybody's time: because to think that thought is to put this self in front of that self, the one who is suffering, the one who matters. i wish i had wrote this, i question these type of thought and whether it was a learnt process, or a process i couldnt understand until later in life. self to me, is two different beings, and as you writ, one is the outer shell. bringing them both in together heals and brings acceptance but (in my case) isnt always applied or used to the positive. again i question whether i am able to do this(?) they seem to just drift apart the inner self is quite emotional, the self thats shown lacks this. sharing anything becomes hard, the more emotion, the more i fail to express myself. if the emotion is lacked, i come across as black and white. i find it all very confusing at times and how i lose the ability to merge both of my selfs.
|
|
|
Shell
Jun 26, 2012 0:01:26 GMT
Post by Chimera on Jun 26, 2012 0:01:26 GMT
I wish I'd written it, too.
|
|
|
Shell
Jun 26, 2012 6:11:35 GMT
Post by Ainsworth on Jun 26, 2012 6:11:35 GMT
now thats confused me is this another 'some of us are having kittens' moment with me taking it literally or was my grammar just shyte?
|
|
|
Shell
Jun 26, 2012 8:32:11 GMT
Post by Chimera on Jun 26, 2012 8:32:11 GMT
now thats confused me is this another 'some of us are having kittens' moment with me taking it literally or was my grammar just shyte? Ah, I'd forgotten the "kittens" moment! Yes, it is another of those moments, except that this time I am more guilty of being confusing in the way I write, and especially in the way I try (and fail) to make jokes. "Having kittens" is a recognised humorous phrase; but here, I was just trying to make play with the idea that there is more than one of me, and I wish that all of me could communicate at once, instead of there having to be an "answering service" (because I'm usually "not at home"). I wasn't trying to make any serious point.
|
|
|
Shell
Jun 26, 2012 9:04:50 GMT
Post by Ainsworth on Jun 26, 2012 9:04:50 GMT
others would of got that, me, on the other hand wont. jokes are wasted on me Chimera, sometimes i just dont understand them, or figure them out. very good joke, now that you have explained it
|
|